kade

deep down.

2012-01-29T01:56:00.001+08:00

the differences; it kills.
sadly.

inner feeling.

2012-01-19T01:27:00.000+08:00

i should not even feel pressurize the fact that i noe the intention is good.

suck, it is.

2012-01-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

back then, when i kept numb abt it, it left me hanging, till todae. and now, when i spill what i felt, it didnt make things any better either.

why am i suck at this? :(

is it too much to ask for?

2012-01-08T01:36:00.003+08:00

sometimes i just don't know what i want anymore.
indeed it takes so much sacrifices to be happy..

year 2012.

2012-01-02T13:01:00.003+08:00

am not gonna hope for something that is not gonna happen, waiting for something that is not meant to be mine. shall collect more inspirations and put it in my pocket and will let it out when the time is right. gonna be very positive and everything will be alright. insyallah.

365 days..

2011-12-30T00:29:00.001+08:00

i don't even know how can we even tolerate with each other..

..guess that's love. :))

ur priority, not.

2011-12-16T01:48:00.003+08:00

as much as i don't mind,
it can be very disappointing at times.

hope.

2011-12-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

you come and go like nobody's business
never even leave a glimpse of it
how cruel can it be.

effort.

2011-12-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

but the problem is, we don't even have time for it. how like that?

changes.

2011-11-26T21:44:00.003+08:00

its alwaes not a good feeling whenever i sense it coming

be it about anything..

im just afraid i cant face it.

nothing new.

2011-11-25T20:05:00.001+08:00

looking forward for something always lead to disappointment.

more than that.

2011-11-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

Its not just about saying those words and actions..,

its about making someone you love, feel special.

rain or shine..,

2011-11-14T01:57:00.002+08:00

i just want you to be by my side.

always.

words & actions.

2011-11-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

i want you to read me like a book,

with no intention of skipping any pages.

better plan.

2011-11-10T10:57:00.002+08:00

everytime i wish it to be the same,

im glad it is just different.

all about work.

2011-11-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

life has been revolving around work/attachment only and i still have 25 more days before im attach to another property and less than four months to go before im done with the whole thing.

goin thru it.

2011-10-26T12:21:00.001+08:00

if im doing the right thing,
why doesn't it feels right at all?

having too lil time.

2011-10-16T10:36:00.003+08:00

im afraid of losing the people i love for such reason.

it happened twice to me before,

i just dont want it to happen again.

busy bee.

2011-10-13T16:43:00.000+08:00

much misses.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

period.

2011-10-06T22:50:00.003+08:00

when getting used to it = doesn't matter anymore.

a year ago.

2011-10-01T22:08:00.002+08:00

this date last year,
i hang out with my bf for the very ferst time.
:))

proper update.

2011-09-10T22:03:00.000+08:00

at times like this, you know, when you just have limited time to spend on yourself and your love ones, you somehow tend to be very cranky and always want them to be around you whenever it possible. and when things didnt go your way, you're pissed. and that's what im currently feels right now.

sometimes it just slips my mind that life is not revolve around me alone. but if you were in my shoes right now, all you want to do is to spend time with the love ones and thats it.

words do hurt.

2011-09-10T09:09:00.002+08:00

i know just have to pay the price for what i did.
but if im prepared for it,
why it feels so hurt when i heard it?

shagged.

2011-09-05T06:20:00.000+08:00

why the hell things get more complicated as we grow older?

deal with it.

2011-08-25T18:48:00.000+08:00

to come clean is one thing, to deal with it is another.

come clean.

2011-08-25T00:22:00.001+08:00

theres nothing much i could do except for telling the truth
and i did.

when love is real.

2011-08-22T12:07:00.003+08:00

everyone noes, when i fall, i fall hard.

and tats the problem.

it slips my mind.

2011-08-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

i have to just bear in mind that everyone is different.

6 more months.

2011-08-18T16:55:00.006+08:00

it feels like it was only yesterdae me and my girlfriends sent our admission paper at nyp.

year 3 semester 1 had officially ended, today.

it got me thinking.

2011-08-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

the fact that i will be going to go tru' it again

but with someone else and at different place,.

scares/worries me.

nyum nyum.

2011-08-13T02:32:00.000+08:00

two and a half years.

2011-08-07T20:53:00.006+08:00

to be able to get a second chance to poly, getting to know awesome bunch of friends, set up a small business with the stitchavenue girls and to meet the nicest boy, i thank god for that.and attachment, please be nice to me.

sentosa boardwalk.

2011-07-24T17:54:00.002+08:00

define patience.

2011-07-21T01:51:00.004+08:00

"blaming him for everything that goes wrong,

it makes me feel bad when he says he loves me.."

behind every goodbye.

2011-07-09T10:01:00.000+08:00

god knows that it would take another place,

another time, another world, another life -

Thank God I found the good in goodbye. :)

things we all need.

2011-07-07T19:39:00.002+08:00

Sabar (Patience) & Syukur (Gratitude) go together.

i've yet to see the world.

2011-07-05T23:16:00.004+08:00

if i were still living my old life, i don't think i can ever achieve whatever i would want to achieve in life, go to wherever places i would want to go, befriend with whoever i would want to befriend with.

it was hard, but definitely worth it.

whats right and wrong.

2011-06-28T19:52:00.001+08:00

the feeling when your brain knows that it was not the right thing but your heart just choose to believe it suck.

how mean can i get?

2011-06-23T21:11:00.003+08:00

it sucks when you get mad for minor reason

or worst, for nothing.

it just suck.

ouh boy.

2011-06-19T00:17:00.000+08:00

rolling in the deep.

2011-06-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

"..see how i'll leave with every piece of you

Don't underestimate the things that i will do."

every story is different.

2011-06-15T16:26:00.000+08:00

it took me a million bucket of tears, fears, failures, heartbreak and struggle add up with lots of motivations, support and positive words to be where i am todae.

life is so much more than just crying over what had happened and waiting for things that never gonna return. i did that and damn! i wish i had not.

but thanks to that, i've learnt.

peace.

and of course i love it.

2011-06-12T23:50:00.003+08:00

every girl would want to be treated like a

princess even if she denies it.

gonna need that.

2011-06-11T04:00:00.001+08:00

someone who is as patient

as anyone could ever imagine would be nice.

thank god.

2011-06-05T22:37:00.001+08:00

one thing that i know, god send you to me when i was at my lowest point. i dont know what the future gonna be like but im grateful, we met.

heart as stone.

2011-06-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i protect myself a lil too much,
it gets out of control.

what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

2011-05-29T22:48:00.003+08:00

i swear i almost lose it but i got up before it kills.

thats when i realise im worth more than that.

the one that stay.

2011-05-28T19:02:00.004+08:00

they are the one that keep STITCHAVENUE going.

its definitely wasn't easy to juggle our time. but alhamdullilah everything goes well. it makes us occupied and closer and most importantly, we share what we love with you ladies. regardless of who you are; wearing hijab, petite or plus size, we all deserve to be beautiful.its the imperfections that make us perfect. insyallah, we will bring in more pretty stuff for all you. ♥♥

thank you for supporting us and we all love you ladies.

because i know.

2011-05-21T20:28:00.001+08:00

because i know its not gonna be easy to forget.
how it lingers around your mind, making you lost your battle.

you just have to believe.

2011-05-17T19:20:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick.

Don't lose faith" ~ Steve Jobs

at times like this..

2011-05-14T09:29:00.007+08:00

no matter how many times you tell yourself not to look back, you just wish nothing had change.this is the time when you realize even motivational phrases doesn't seem to help.

i just want the best.

2011-05-11T19:21:00.001+08:00

its true when they say that..,
its always the ferst love that get the best of you.
but its the effort now that keeps me going.
i will never stop trying.

y'know what?..

2011-05-08T09:51:00.002+08:00

the fact that some years gone all wasted,

im glad that i can make my own decisions now.

:))

if thats the case..

2011-05-02T17:47:00.001+08:00

telling only half the truth is just the same as lying.

...im guilty.

keeps getting better.

2011-05-01T09:24:00.003+08:00

it took me two years to realize how foolish i was to even believe. now that i no longer think about it, it feels good.

Thank you April for being awesome.
& dear May, please be nice to me like March and April did :))

selfish much.

2011-04-29T06:25:00.006+08:00

the truth is, you can never forget how your ferst love taste like. tat explain why you react to things such a way tat you've acted. you're alwaes wanted it to be either the same or better, anything below that will not be accepted. but each guy is different, we just dont understand that. or we choose not to. and gurls, sometimes we just don't learnt from the previous mistakes.

STRESS; STRESS-FREE.

2011-04-27T13:12:00.001+08:00

i do have problems too.

doesn't mean that im always happy-go-lucky, always laugh at my own jokes, i don't have problems. i just chose not to show it (most of the time), telling myself to be strong and everything gonna be fine. but sometimes, even being strong has its limit. my closest ones had seen me cry, alot. afterall, without problems, life would be mundane, right?.

hurting much still?

2011-04-21T14:30:00.001+08:00

"TAKING THE BLINDFOLD OF MY EYES
AND REALIZING ITS NOT OKAY
OF HOW I WAS BEING TREATED..."

only god knows...

cautious.

2011-04-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

i have my own reasons to be difficult.

thru' the tunnel.

2011-04-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

its getting so much clearer now but i need assurance.

my queen says..

2011-04-13T18:26:00.004+08:00

"..if you meet someone nice, willing to accept you for who you are without any question, he is a keeper.."

and she never fail to remind me that in life,
we just have to be patient.

fickle-minded, fickle-hearted..

2011-04-04T00:17:00.003+08:00

..if such word exist.

at this point of time, i just wish that it can make a good decision (that will not make me regret even a slightest bit) and not changing it each time. ive becoming one selfish soul thanx to that.

awesome birthdae month.

2011-03-31T00:55:00.002+08:00

i have 25 days more to enjoy my life before skewl begins. the past 48 days were awesome. it worth all the hard work, stress and pressure i had in skewl doing projects as well as having exam for 5 consecutive days.

March definitely a good month for me. besides my birthdae falls on that month, everything else was good; the love ones shower me with lots of love, movie almost every weekend, lots of presents, getting semester result (i have to say that it was not as good as the last 2 semesters but its definitely higher than what i expected, so alhamdullilah) and many more.

i feel blessed and thank god for giving me all the right person to colour my life with their presence and actions (i just cant thank enuff, that explain why i keep sayin it).

and i think my April gonna rawk too. insyallah. :))

so don't ever.

2011-03-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

among many things that i fear, promises is one of them.

i didnt chose her; god did.

2011-03-24T15:20:00.002+08:00

she was there when i was born and shes been there ever since.

i was naive.

2011-03-22T02:37:00.005+08:00

ive locked myself in the smallest cage for the longest time;

its time i fly, soar to the sky.

when you feel free, nothing else matters. the one above chose me to experience pain cus world does not revolve around one person and yet its not worth it in the end.

ive yet to see the world.

am grateful that am no longer the girl you used to know.~~weak and dependent.~~

it can never go away.

2011-03-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

You could paint your history over any way you liked, but you'd always see those first few brushstrokes.~ Jodi Picoult

then, it would be different.

2011-03-17T19:11:00.001+08:00

sometimes, i wish i knew every answer to my questions, every action to my doubts, every reason for what had happened.

burden.

2011-03-16T00:51:00.002+08:00

no doubt, my life is getting better. but i cried everytime i think about it. how far can i go, hiding it? its not something that i would want to do but i have to, for now. i just dont wanna carry it forever. i hope.

just like reading a book.

2011-03-10T11:01:00.007+08:00

knowing someone new is like reading a book that had the first chapter ripped out; you might be enjoying the plot and the characters, but you'd probably also like to read the ferst line too.

but what if you read the ferst chapter and realised you hated the book? isn't it better to just stick with your partial copy and enjoy the rest of the story?

somehow or rather, people around us tend to judge just by looking at what we did in the past. we all make mistakes that we regret but some were just unacceptable and it sucks. so much of y'all saying "its okay, everyone deserve a second chance..". its definitely easier said than done.

everyone got a life that no one knows about.

extract from Jodi Picoult; handle with care

my 21st with kitchenette.

2011-03-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

Nelly lied to me and they surprised me with cupcakes and lotsa presents at Poppyes. they made me carry and exposed my age written on the helium balloon. and i survived carrying the balloon for 12 hours from city hall to orchard road.

once again, thank you dearest ladies.

love y'all.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

yeay! im old.

2011-03-03T00:43:00.000+08:00

cheers for my 21 years of life; less slippers, be stronger (both mentally & physically), taller and of course stay happy forever.

& thank you to those who had or/and still make my life as pretty as ever. heh. i'll never forget each and everyone of you (eventhough you're gone).god send you and make you leave for a good reason.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

i don't wanna get hurt, hurting people.

2011-03-01T22:19:00.001+08:00

sometimes you need someone else's opinion to help you make a decision.

i know i need to do something about it but am just not sure when. i dont know if i can ever take it and am not sure when its gonna end. whatever decisions i make will definitely hurt someone i really care. theres no need for me to put myself in others shoes 'cus ive been there. i know exactly how it feels and it sucks. and thats why i hate doing it. however, listening to advices from people whom i trust and knows me best, helps. alot. but at the end of the day, i know i need to go with whats best for myself. i hate being selfish and mean. i know, deep down, am not that kind of person, but situation has make me. if this is what it takes to be 21, im not sure if i'm ever ready.

am getting older soon.

2011-02-24T20:56:00.005+08:00

i just wanna feel like 20 year old, not 14.

something worth having is something worth waiting for

2011-02-22T18:36:00.001+08:00

all i need to do now is to focus, move on and stay positive no matter how suck life gonna be cus i believe something good awaits me. i just need to work a lil harder to achieve it. insyallah.

our princess 19th burfdae.

2011-02-19T18:31:00.005+08:00

the best part is, she had no clue about the mini celebration despite us talking about it right in front of her.

and tats our mimi, forever clueless. hee.

the card we made for her.

super yummy but our throat hurt after that. heh.

♥♥♥♥

doesnt mean i dont talk bout it, its not important to me.

2011-02-16T19:57:00.001+08:00

the other day, after exam, the four of us meet and we talked. y'know, its never easy to please people. its definitely not easy to please me. but i would love to see some effort. is that too much to ask for?

jar of hearts.

2011-02-15T02:00:00.002+08:00

no excuses.

2011-02-12T21:07:00.008+08:00

I dont wanna use my mistakes as a reason to stop me from doing anything i would want to do. Despite the fact that it still hurts everytime i think about it.., i need to let it go. What's life without giving myself a second chance. I know i deserve better.

can't wait.

2011-02-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

Exactly a month time.

the sisters.

2011-01-31T19:33:00.001+08:00

it doesnt matter if we dont meet everydae..

i just want them to be close to me no matter what.

because this friendship means alot to me.

i dont give up. i give in.

2011-01-29T18:42:00.001+08:00

never once it fades.

i just keep it in the box telling myself

its no longer worth it.

it will hurt.

2011-01-27T19:27:00.004+08:00

some truths are better kept hidden.

i tink i am.

2011-01-23T21:51:00.001+08:00

one day, i woke up..
i just keep thinking about it.

*mentels*

beginning is always the hardest..

2011-01-22T10:54:00.003+08:00

i take back my words when i say i wanna give up. the fact that im afraid that this year gonna be the same like any other year, i wanna prove myself wrong. the month of january itself has been a fruitful one. Despite having projects pressure and semestral exams coming up, i still can feel the positve energy in me. im much happier now and i thank god for that.

beginning is always the hardest..
but it takes you to a better place.

the exact same thing.

2011-01-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

we were very cheeky then

and we still are now.

good sign.

2011-01-18T00:56:00.000+08:00

its always a good sign when someone just makes you forget about everything that has been bothering you forever. its a good sign when everything sounds similar but sweeter. its a good sign when you can just be yourself and its definitely good sign when you starts to feel it again. it may not be the exact same thing, but i know, deep down, its something that i need.

its a good sign..

talking about the unsure.

2011-01-15T19:50:00.000+08:00

" I'm not sure if the one I'm falling in love with

will be capable of loving me back.. "

& vice versa.

blessing in disguise.

2011-01-13T20:07:00.001+08:00

the one above will always have the reason why for taking back what he had given me then and trade it with something better. i dont know if my prayers have been answered but i smell rainbow.

insyaallah, amin.

when enuff is enuff.

2011-01-10T01:13:00.000+08:00

im pretty much pissed with myself. so much of wanting to make good decision this year. its only the 10th day of 2011 and im thinking of giving up with what the one above has sent me. ouh yes, i am still confuse with everything but i guess there no one else to blame but me. its my fault for holding on for too long and when i decided to put everything behind, i just feel that my life is empty. no one will ever understand what im trying to say here unless they were once experiencing the exact same thing. urggh! life is tough.

the mistake that ive done in the past has slowly eaten me up. no, i dont regret any mistakes ive made. i took each and every mistakes as a lesson learnt (which ive said it many times) but the consequences that i have to face now, are pressurizing me. with the wound that has yet to heal (and i know it can never be), it makes it even difficult.

i promise myself to move on and never ever once look back and i did but yeah, its impossible to make me forget right and at times my thoughts just refused to be nice to me. and that's when all things in the past start throwing balls at me. thank god, im used to it now, i hardly feel the pain.

i know that everything is good now. im glad it did. and no, i dont need any more time to think and find myself again. ive given myself enough time for that. its a new chapter of my life now. and you are welcome to be part of it. but please, i dont want to get hurt again. so if you have doubt bout making me happy, please go. i dont need you in my life.

i think its me.

2011-01-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

i'm not used to it and i noe its not gonna work out. what now? looks like history gonna repeat itself.

the problem with me is..

2011-01-08T21:06:00.004+08:00

i don't know why i refused to give myself a chance to open up; to anything. my heart keeps telling me one thing and my mind is telling me another. i can never get the answer if this continues.

the fact is..,
i'm still confuse; with everything.
but i am trying. they know i am.

black&light.

2011-01-06T17:33:00.001+08:00

2011.

2011-01-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

just be nice to me and im good.

:))

2010.

2010-12-30T21:44:00.011+08:00

it was sad. and i was hoping. i feel cheated. it was hanging. and its over. just like that.

Ive moved on. awesome friends. beautiful families. met new people. some stay. some go.

STITCHAVENUE!

virgin trip to jb with gfs. cruising with happy pills. and awesome Batam getaway.

2010 was rather bitter than sweet.

but whats life without getting hurt right? i took everything that had happened as a lesson learnt. no point hating. afterall, they are the one who used to make me happy. :) and im grateful to have a wonderful gfs and those who were there, lending their shoulder for me to cry on. thank you for being very understanding.

2010, you taught me alot.

i took love for granted.

2010-12-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

i may have lose the love that i thought was real

but it doesnt matter the fact that the love that i get from my family never fade. ♥

they make me believe that love ♥ exist

no matter how hurt love made me.

Batam Awesome!

2010-12-24T11:27:00.003+08:00

early morning ferry ride

reached Batam as early as 8 wib

huge hotel room and its connected with maya's room which made it easier for all of us.

Lunch at chinese restaurant

SHOPPING!!

A&W Waffle

delicious KFC and Pan Pizza

BOWLING!

more pizza

enjoying every moment

and the funniest thing that happened was...

from..

he never fail to smile every time we saw him at the resort. :)

finally.., back to Singapore.

Not forgetting the very dangerous taxi ride which Maya and me really enjoyed

and the swimming pool at night. (:

We all love BATAM. :))

i deserve this.

2010-12-21T20:43:00.005+08:00

a short getaway to Batam with gfs tomorrow.
before i officially start on my 6 projects. -.-

happy occasion.

2010-12-20T13:00:00.003+08:00

another cousin got hitched on the weekends.

it was a perfect event for all the cousins to gather and have fun.

not forgetting the sleepless night at the multi purpose hall playing monopoly (which of course i won with lots of money) and UNO (which i suck) and reward ourselves with mcdonald's breakfast after that.

CONGRATULATION ABANG!

lookin' forward.

2010-12-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

am definitely looking forward for the 2 weeks break.

shower myself with love on the first week & all out for the projects on the second.